To cut and snap both mean to break

i didn't get a kitten and i didn't write a novel.

but crismus went just fine and on new years my mum had to go out with her workfriends and detlef, dick and i went to this chick's house and EDWARDO!! this real quiet guy started hitting everyone and someone called the police, because we almost went to prison

in short, it was awesome.

I didn't write to dad, either.
There were some awkward moments when mum got home in the morning, and Detlef was asleep on the couch with several bottles of vodka on the counter. Dick had passed out nearly naked on her bed. Yeah, awkward. But then we had breakfast and everything went fine.

I finished school.

James and Detlef are helping me with calculus, ugh.

is beautiful.

I feel like getting a kitten and writing a novel.

I don't know if it's too early to say we've fixed things. James is good. His dissertation's coming along well, I think. He's better than when his dad first kicked him out.

I think I might flunk out of school. Didn't pass the tests for uni. Detlef got in. I never thought I'd be jealous of him. I mean, he's adorable and pretty much the kindest soul to me, but. His family. He doesn't get along too well with them, since he, uh, told them. Well, he said his dad was okay with it, but his mum still looks at me like she's gotta cut a bitch.

To do list:
Not flunk out?
Get accepted into uni
Write to dad

Christmas is coming and stuff. I still miss him even if he's a criminal. He got out like a year ago, but pompous uncle Anthony doesn't want me to talk to him. But dad just... cheated people out of things? He didn't kill anyone, or light someone's house on fire, or anything like that.

I'm a horrible little shit.

No-one wants a boyfriend who gives them diseases. Obvious. I should realise THIS IS NOT A GAME, TRISTAN. YOU CAN'T FUCK AROUND AND EXPECT NOTHING TO HAPPEN. It was a long time ago but still. And it was partly Richard's fault, but hello. Richard shouldn't

I shouldn't have been doing that. He gave me


and I know I hurt both of them but fuck i shouldn't be doing this because they love me but they should be together His parents hate me and they love James because he's so sweet and I wouldn't want to walk over him again, he deserves to be happy

They say you should let go the ones you love. I am in love with them, but that doesn't mean I can abuse them and leave cigarette marks on their backs and shit

I dont care if they don't believe me and think i don't give a damn about them, this is for the better

I sent James over to Detlef's. Why. So James can work for him, that's why. I think his mum liked James. James is nice and he cooks well and he's working on his thesis and also Detlef's mum doesn't hate him yet. Which is awesome, I must say.

...maybe he thinks I sent James to keep an eye on him. Because that's totally not the point. I sent him so he wouldn't get all insecure about me being a cheating bitch who can't even control his penis, and it wouldn't be good if he realised James and I'd had a "thing". So yeah.

So even if Detlef's mum and dad said it was okay for him to be gay they wouldn't want me around. But they'd like James, he's a good boy, I don't even know how to treat either of them properly and I hope everyone's fine with this. Detlef didn't take it too well at first.

I can't stand adulterated hand soap! At school I had to stand it mixed with water. How cheap can they get? It made my hands feel dirtier and clammier than they'd been, which is pretty much against the point of washing them. (They're always sort of clammy, so yeah.)

There are so many things I want out of life. Like more jackets, more hats (I want one made of straw). Or a rich boy or girlfriend that'd be able to get me anything. You know what I want? A joint cig, but I can't now because Detlef doesn't fucking know and I could still smoke at James's 'cause his mum's never home, but it makes him sick and seeing him cough makes me sad saddens me.

I want John Hassall for Christmas.